Sticking with it...

Romans 8:38-39 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Some really neat things have already come out of this blog for me, things I did not intend.  As a result of pouring out myself through my words, my friends and family have come charging in and the feeling I have as a result of this is truly a product of His plan and His grace.  Some of you have written to me personally, others have commented, others have facebooked me...it's just really humbling.


Sometimes I feel like I am exaggerating my problem when I compare my life to the lives of those worse off.  How can I even pretend to think that my pain and my sorrow should grab more attention than the pains of those being openly persecuted, those living in fear of death.  When I remember this, I get a little sick of myself.  My cross is indeed my own, but why do I feel that mine is special?  How can I expect Him to "get to my problem" when there are people dying, people who have yet to hear the joyful nature of His words?  I don't really have an answer to these questions and I don't really know what to do with them either.  I know that I must continue on my walk and the thought of doing so enlivens me and encourages to press on.  I can't shake a feeling that calls me to give up my life and the comfortable career path that I am on to live with "untouchables" and those who have been rejected by our blind global society.  I sometimes get flashes of a happy life spent abroad in rural villages with sick and dying children, hoping to provide some sort of comfort whether it be in the form of food, water, or love.  The problem is...I am too short-sighted and perhaps too rooted to material life and the pursuit of some American's dream.  I know it may sound like I am taking so many of my blessings for granted but who am I to pretend that a life in my current location could make some sort of lasting difference in the lives of those around me?  I don't want to come across as unappreciative; I want to be used and sent where I am needed.  I don't know how to listen for that call and have long been deaf to my Savior.  I still find myself needing peace and inner sanctity because only then will I be able to truly listen and follow His path for my life.


I am going to see my sister and her boyfriend this weekend, as well as the rest of my family, and I can't tell you how excited I am about this.  When I am with them is when I feel closest to God.  Through my family I truly experience love an affection and then to imagine God's love and affection superseding even my family's capacity to love is a pretty uplifting thought.  Sometimes I find myself so amazed by His undying love that I get intensely sad for those who have been burned by Christianity...or perhaps better phrased as those who have been burned by Christians.  I truly think that humans have perverted God's love and that some "Christians" have made a message of love into a message that seeks only to chastise and persecute those with whom Jesus would have most certainly kept company with.  I think we need to run far away from those "Christians" who say that "God Hates Fags" and "God Hates America" and "Don't Pray for the U.S.A."  Furthermore, I think in the process of running from these truth twisters, we should carry our brothers and sisters who think that those "Christians" represent ALL Christians.  I think we need to send out a message that God loves ALL of His children and that while He may abhor our sins, He loves sinners.  I think that is true and I think we need to live lives that show this.  Be mindful of what you say and if you find yourself speaking more about the wrath of our Lord...perhaps you should focus on the kindness, grace, and love He has for us ALL.