Excited about some stuff!

Romans 15:13  May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Alright!  Some recent developments since my last post:  I decided that blogging about things is one thing but that if I am going to get any real closure or benefit that I need to do some processing with someone from church.  Luckily, one of the guys who used to lead services for children when I was in elementary/middle school is an elder at the church!  He is a phenomenal guy and I am really looking forward to talking to him.  The big day is October 15th and we are meeting over lunch.  I have to say that I am a little nervous, but I am pretty excited.  I have so much that I just want to lay on the table and I really think that this is going to be a big step in the right direction.  


Another thing that I have started relates to my own personal study of the Bible.  I have, at one point or another, made it through most if not all of the Bible...just not during my college years.  I really think that it is critical for anyone, believer or not, to study intently during the years when their minds are most finely tuned for critical thinking.  So, two days ago I started from the beginning and I am making some pretty good time.  I am enjoying reading the books and rediscovering the Word all over again.  There is just so much packed in those pages that it's a somewhat daunting task but it is something that I feel strongly about and is something that I should have started a LONG time ago.  


As far as the personal issues are concerned, I really do feel that God has taken me into His arms and that He is holding me closer than ever.  I feel more connected to His presence and He enters my thoughts with greater frequency now, more so than ever before...this is pretty neat.  I find myself sitting at my desk and letting my mind wander to what it will be like to one day be reunited with loved ones in His kingdom.  More than this, whenever I find myself in a situation where I would have normally trashed talked someone else for some arbitrary reason...I am really feeling His attention focus on me and how I react.  I love the accountability that comes with developing your faith, its liberating.  I never really realized how toxic some of the smallest aspects of my personality had really become.  I find that it's better to try and do away with even the small stuff, the snide remarks and the petty gossip, because even these can lead to some pretty unattractive results.


There have been some pretty fantastic people step up in my life recently.  One of my best friends has really been there for me to talk to and share things with these past few weeks.  She has been one of my good friends for about 2 years but I really think that we have gotten a lot closer in the past 4 months and my friendship with her is something that I really treasure.  She is one of those people who just seem to "get it".  Talking to her brings a wave of tranquility and I don't really know what I'd do without her.  I hope she really understands what it means to me to be able to call her a friend.  Some other people that have really been there for me are those I call family.  From aunts to parents to cousins to siblings...my family has really jumped in to try and make sure that things are OK with me and to reassure me that they are never too far away if I should ever need them.  I talk about my family a lot, but it's appropriate.  My entire life has been shaped and formed by how I have lived with them and I keep failing at trying to truly show how much they mean to me.  They are a continuing reminder that God's blessings are truly magnificent and that He is STILL working miracles.


At the end of the day...I am finding it easier to breathe than when I first started this thing.  I come in after working a little bit on the farm and I just sit with Cairo (an awesome yellow lab) while we watch the sun set behind the trees...and the feelings that work in my heart are truly indescribable.  I sit until it gets dark, until the stars come out...and I sit a little longer.  I lose myself looking at God's miracles and I like it...a lot. :)

I was on a little break...

Job 19:25  I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth.

So, I think it has been like 4 days since I last posted.  I thought that this thing would be best served as a daily journal...but I am finding that taking time away from sharing my thoughts really lets me gather them and make sense of them.  This is a cool thing to realize!!


Since my last post, things have been pretty great in a lot of ways.  I got to see my family and it was AWESOME.  Chelsi and Bobby came in from D.C., Mandy, Toby and Leighton came down from Louisville, and of course the rest of the Lexington crowd was there...including Opie and Will!  I had such a great time hanging out with all the people in my life who really make me realize what it means to be alive.  I really do think that God put us on this Earth to love each other and being with my family reminds me of this in such a strong way.  I know that I talk about going abroad and wanting to "get away" a lot but the truth is that I don't know who or where I would be without my family.  I know I am lucky and I know that there are many people in this world who are truly alone and without people on this Earth to keep them strong.  However, I pray that God will shine His light on them and that we will reach out to love them.


While I was home, my mom gave me a book called "God's Guy" and I am really looking forward to reading it.  It is all about becoming the man that you were meant to be, the man that God meant for you to become.  Thanks, Mom!


Science is also something that gives me some interesting thoughts with regards to my religion.  I have always had a strong science background and I have never really felt like there has been some giant, internal conflict reconciling the two.  At present I am not sure whether this is because my faith is adequately strong to survive occasional inconsistencies with science or that I have never really stopped to really evaluate the whole thing.  At least to me it seems that the two don't have to live at odds with each other.  What I would like, if you all will oblige, is for you all to share you own belief on the relationship between science and Christianity.  What are things you struggle with?  What are things that you have accepted as "truth"?  I would love to hear from as many of you as possible and I hope to share my thoughts on the matter as well.  This is a giant topic for me, so I think it will take a couple of posts to really get through.  I think I will also do a little reading, biblical and otherwise, just to get some thoughts going.  Until then...hope to hear from you all!


By the way, if you are having trouble posting...I think it is because you need to be signed into blogger with a google account to post.  Also, if you would like to participate and submit your thoughts but don't have a google account, just message me on facebook or at chase.warner@centre.edu (if you want your message to remain anonymous, no problem...just let me know).


Hope to hear from y'all!

Sticking with it...

Romans 8:38-39 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Some really neat things have already come out of this blog for me, things I did not intend.  As a result of pouring out myself through my words, my friends and family have come charging in and the feeling I have as a result of this is truly a product of His plan and His grace.  Some of you have written to me personally, others have commented, others have facebooked me...it's just really humbling.


Sometimes I feel like I am exaggerating my problem when I compare my life to the lives of those worse off.  How can I even pretend to think that my pain and my sorrow should grab more attention than the pains of those being openly persecuted, those living in fear of death.  When I remember this, I get a little sick of myself.  My cross is indeed my own, but why do I feel that mine is special?  How can I expect Him to "get to my problem" when there are people dying, people who have yet to hear the joyful nature of His words?  I don't really have an answer to these questions and I don't really know what to do with them either.  I know that I must continue on my walk and the thought of doing so enlivens me and encourages to press on.  I can't shake a feeling that calls me to give up my life and the comfortable career path that I am on to live with "untouchables" and those who have been rejected by our blind global society.  I sometimes get flashes of a happy life spent abroad in rural villages with sick and dying children, hoping to provide some sort of comfort whether it be in the form of food, water, or love.  The problem is...I am too short-sighted and perhaps too rooted to material life and the pursuit of some American's dream.  I know it may sound like I am taking so many of my blessings for granted but who am I to pretend that a life in my current location could make some sort of lasting difference in the lives of those around me?  I don't want to come across as unappreciative; I want to be used and sent where I am needed.  I don't know how to listen for that call and have long been deaf to my Savior.  I still find myself needing peace and inner sanctity because only then will I be able to truly listen and follow His path for my life.


I am going to see my sister and her boyfriend this weekend, as well as the rest of my family, and I can't tell you how excited I am about this.  When I am with them is when I feel closest to God.  Through my family I truly experience love an affection and then to imagine God's love and affection superseding even my family's capacity to love is a pretty uplifting thought.  Sometimes I find myself so amazed by His undying love that I get intensely sad for those who have been burned by Christianity...or perhaps better phrased as those who have been burned by Christians.  I truly think that humans have perverted God's love and that some "Christians" have made a message of love into a message that seeks only to chastise and persecute those with whom Jesus would have most certainly kept company with.  I think we need to run far away from those "Christians" who say that "God Hates Fags" and "God Hates America" and "Don't Pray for the U.S.A."  Furthermore, I think in the process of running from these truth twisters, we should carry our brothers and sisters who think that those "Christians" represent ALL Christians.  I think we need to send out a message that God loves ALL of His children and that while He may abhor our sins, He loves sinners.  I think that is true and I think we need to live lives that show this.  Be mindful of what you say and if you find yourself speaking more about the wrath of our Lord...perhaps you should focus on the kindness, grace, and love He has for us ALL.  

Does reprieve come?

Matthew 16:24-25  Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he 
must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.  For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it."

SO, in trying to truly give up your worldly concerns...is it supposed to be easy?  If you give it all up to Him, will reprieve come?  I truly believe that His love will fill the void left in your heart...but I do not pretend to believe that we will be without pain and without sorrow.  In fact, perhaps it is supposed to be harder...does that make sense?


There are so many things about my life that I feel that God is displeased with, the least of which would be my lack of being able to act more strongly and confidently on my faith.  I know it is displeasing for Him to witness how much I profess to love Him and then continue my life on Earth disobeying and utterly disregarding His word.  What is that about?  Who does that?!  Why do I think it is OK to go to church on Sunday, ask for forgiveness, and then sin again...sometimes just hours after leaving church?!  The worst part of my life is when my sin impacts the lives of others.  In retrospect, this is the thing I hate the most...the fact that my actions can have an effect on the lives of others.  I know how this sounds, I know I sound immature and without a grounded view of reality.  But honestly, I hate and want to reject reality a good deal of the time.  I don't like the reality that I am unable to make sacrifices in His name, I don't like that I am unable to truly commit to my life as a Believer and as a Jesus-Follower, I don't like that I am consistently very quick to point out faults in others without immediately recognizing my own.  I hate this and I don't know what to do about it.  I am lost and thus I continue to walk and I continue to try and listen.


The wonderful thing is that God knows me and knows my remorse, He knows this and He forgives.  How comforting!  However, I think it is important not to treat God as if you can sin forever and just expect to always have His grace.  I don't know if grace works like that...but it just doesn't sound right to think that we can continue to knowingly sin and just treat God like a platitude and bust Him out only when we need Him so we can feel better about ourselves.  I still struggle with this.  I have a heard time just getting rid of my sin, even though I know it's wrong.  Seriously, sin comes upon me, I recognize it as sin...and then keep on rollin in it!  This does not make sense!  Oh, and inevitably I always feel SO much worse when I've realized that I decided to knowingly sin despite the fact that I could feel in my heart that it was wrong.  Why do I do this to myself?  Has the Enemy really penetrated my heart that much?  Am I that far off the path?  I have a feeling that this walk is going to be a very long one and that I have a lot to answer for.


At Southland Christian Church this past weekend, Jon Weece mentioned his thoughts on the matter of "manhood" and asserted that our society has raised a lot of guys, leaving "men" to be few and far in between.  You may notice that my profile says "a guy..."; this was intentional.  I do feel very much like a guy and it's heartbreaking.  I want to be in a place where I can take a stand and speaks God's truth and do so having a man's heart as opposed to a guy's heart.  I have few friends who I can truly call "men" of Christ but I was fortunate enough to spend some time with one of them recently.  As I have said before, I really think that God brings people into your life just when you need them.  I needed the time I had with this friend.  It was really low-key but it forced me to recognize the differences inherent between us.  I am thankful to know this and to have recognized this, it spurred me on even more to hold myself accountable in my walk.  Do I think it is bad that I respond with stronger convictions mostly after being around people, whether at church or in the presence of great friends?  I don't think so.  In fact, I am convinced that life happens best in community and that we can only hope to survive our worldly torment by relying on God and by sharing our lives with each other.  God made us to be brothers and sisters, we should act like it and support each other more and do so in earnest.


I am now restless.  I know that sacrifices must be made in order to deepen my relationship with Christ, but this leaves me at a loss.  I know that the sacrifices I need to make are going to be some of the hardest things I've had to deal with.  Maybe that is the point?  I have led a very blessed life and maybe I need to be tested and I need to truly invest in these sacrifices if I can ever hope to enter the kingdom of Heaven.  It just know that it is going to be hard, the hardest thing I have ever done...it will happen though, I will be a man of Christ.

Little kids, BIG love

Matthew 18:4-5  Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the 
greatest in the kingdom of heaven.  And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me.

OK, there is nothing quite like spending some time with some truly amazing kids.  My day was somewhat uneventful, however, I did babysit for some kids tonight and just had a blast...like always.  It wasn't anything special; we ate McDonald's and played Rock Band...but still I see much of God's perfect timing at work here.


I am fortunate enough to be able to have a lot of little kids around, ages 10 and under, to keep me sane and to keep my "adult superiority" in check.  I am blessed to be able to lead a Life Group at Southland Christian Church for 3-5th grade boys, have 3 awesome little cousins that I see regularly (I have some more that I unfortunately don't see quite as often and some that I have yet to meet, but will soon...hopefully!), and also have connected with family in Danville as a babysitter for their 3 boys.  Needless to say, I have a lot of little kids running around in my life and I find that to be a good thing.


I have always thought that kids really know how to live and that they are the ones that we should model our lives after.  They tell it like it is and they know nothing of the evils of the adult world.  We come into this world so pure and innocent and so quickly are we covered in the weight of our world as we "grow up".  We begin to lose sight of those wonderful questions (why is the sky blue? why is the grass green? etc.).  We begin to lose ourselves.  In short, we grow up and become blind to so many of God's wonders and this is unnerving to me.  Spend some time with a kid and you will know what I am talking about.  The way the question the things around them and the way they process their surroundings is...AWESOME.  It is so much fun to be around kids because they are truly interested in most everything that crosses their path and they are truly inquisitive.  Perhaps this is a great way to begin someone's walk with Christ.  Perhaps a truly inquisitive nature with true interest and without predispositions is the perfect setting for a developing Christ-follower.  Maybe all my insecurities could be setting me up for a deeper relationship with Christ, allowing me to question my faith and explore the depths of my soul, preparing a place worthy enough for Christ to take up residence.  Christ is all around me and I have him in my heart, but I want to give myself completely.  I want to abandon this life and this world's concerns and the daily rat race, I want to get spiritually topped off...poor choice of words?


Something that I am truly enjoying that comes with this blog is the feeling of accountability I have talked about before.  I find myself not allowing myself to get into areas that would lead to "non-Christian" behavior.  Since the beginning of this blog, I have really tried to replace my cynicism and judgment with appreciation for differences as well as a fortified attempt to check my judgments at the door.  I am NO ONE to judge, honestly.  While my family may not agree, as I am not usually the "witty" one at our house, I am often too pointed and biting with my words when it comes to my friends.  I am often hardest on those that are closest to me and I am trying to keep that in check as well.  I really feel God pulling me to try and see people through His eyes, I want to be able to love His people as He does.  Imagine if we could all just have respect for each other?  I am not saying that we have to like each other, by any means.  I am merely suggesting that respect would be something that could solve a lot of problems.  Now, I am obviously not perfect and I cannot pretend that I will never offend someone again or that I will never hold my judgment as just...but I am ready to do away with that aspect of my life.  I want those adjectives to lose weight in my life and I want to be known for something different.  I want to be known for my continued struggle with my walk, my belief in Jesus Christ, and how I treated people.  I want to be remembered as someone who tried to reciprocate the love shown to him by his creator.  I want to be someone who is remembered by the fact that in loving God, he loved people as well.


To end my night, I think I'll sit outside for a little while longer.  I plan to breathe deeply and listen intently.  I intend to wait for His voice to speak to me and I intend to let myself be caught up in the mission...a mission to "make Jesus famous".

All good things...

Matthew 4:19 "Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men."


So, I would first like to thank everyone who e-mailed or posted their support.  It's not that I need the support to keep writing, it is just nice realize all over again how great my family and friends are...so...thank you!


Today was a pretty neat day.  I woke up to the sun coming through the windows and I really felt like I was beginning something great.  I felt like I was finally letting God direct my path and that I was doing something to better myself and improve my relationship with Him.  And the good news...that feeling persists!  One of the things that I was reminded of was just how well God places people in your life.  I have already spoken about how grateful I am for the family that I was born into and I also want to say that I have some of the best friends in the world.  I truly believe that I am blessed and consider the people in my life to be my own personal miracle from God.  So again, thank you all for sticking by me through my peaks and valleys, I owe so much of what I have become to you all and I am so appreciative of your influence in my life.


I am currently staying on a farm of 120 rolling Kentucky acres and it has truly become a place of spirituality for me.  I wake up in the morning and immediately have to take care of the animals on the farm and it just draws me closer and gets me centered in anticipation of a day riddled with worldly concerns and problems.  When I am out here, I walk amongst the 60,000 trees with my 4-legged friend, Cairo, and I find myself able to shake off the worries of the day.  I don't think this is purely due to getting away from work and away from people.  This is to say that I think God has placed the opportunity to be in such a place in my life for a reason.  Even this blog was created after walking on the property and being silent while trying to hear His voice speak to me.  If there is one thing that I am certain of it is that our world makes it SO HARD to listen and hear God's voice.  Most of you probably know what I mean.  For me, after I leave church it is SO clear that I need to turn my life around and I feel like I have the spiritual fortitude to FINALLY follow through...then I get a text message and I lose my thoughts, then I remember I have a Sunday night meeting, then I realize that the work week starts tomorrow.  Before I know it, I have forgotten what was so important and what was so pressing...I tell myself that I'll just pick it up again another day, another time, perhaps another way.  I tell myself that I just wasn't ready and was only telling myself I was ready.  My question?  Are we ever FULLY ready to give up our worldly concerns and trust that He will provide?  I am actually ashamed to say that this is one of the recurring themes of my life.  I work myself up in a spiritual frenzy and I get so excited about changing my life around and rededicating my life to Christ...and then I fail!  Of course, after not following through, I then wonder if I ever really TRULY trusted that the Lord would provide. AGH!  I tell myself that my faith is unbreakable and yet I find it hard to completely give my life over and follow through with what I feel is God's plan for my life?  Can I really say that my faith is unbreakable if what I just said is true?  The truth is that I have NO clue and this scares me more than anything.  If my "unbreakable faith" isn't enough to get me past my hurdles, what can?  Perhaps my "unbreakable" faith is more fragile than I thought.


There is hope, however, because I know that the Lord is on my side and that He is calling me home.  I  can hear Him calling to me and telling me to run to Him, and run fast.  It is not that I have turned away from His word and his teachings...but I do need to run from the world's concerns and I need to run faster from complacency.  There is a leap that I need to take and it can feel that it's coming soon and I am so excited for this!  I want for nothing more than to live a life free of regret and to live a life dedicated to making Jesus famous.  Which, by the way, the phrase "Make Jesus famous" is a truly wonderful phrase.  It is so simple yet so motivational and I love it.  I heard John Sawyer speak these words at Southland Christian Church during his testimony.  However, I also have a wonderful friend who for some reason felt it necessary to write this same phrase on a post-it note and stick it on a light in my room last year.  I smiled every time I saw it.


I am finding that this blog is something that is quickly becoming a neat part of my life.  Aside from my mission of hoping that people will read this and know that they are not alone, it is allowing me to process my thoughts and really flesh out my beliefs.  It is allowing me to listen more closely, it is allowing me to hold myself accountable (thanks for the phrase, Chelsi) and I feel like I am going to make some major breakthroughs along the way.  I am excited, truly and fearfully excited.  :)

Living to Walk...

ROM 3:22-24  This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus

By what Grace are we allowed to continue to sin and continue to wreak havoc upon each other?  We live in spite of His mission and yet he still loves us?  Why?  Do not get me wrong, I am grateful for the sacrifice of the Son so that I may one day be united with my brothers and sisters before my Lord and Savior.

Today I felt called to begin anew in my walk with Jesus Christ.  I have been a follower, with limited understanding but much desire, for my entire life.  I was fortunate enough to be born into a family that can only be described as loving.  To me, my family has been a great beacon of hope and love for me and I can never repay them for the doors they have opened for me.  Growing up, I had no wants or needs unfulfilled.  This is not to say that I was born with excessive wealth, but I was born into certain excess.  I was born into an excess of love and affection and this fact has surely molded me into the "guy" I am today.

My present situation is this: I am a Believer.  I pray, however occasionally, and I truly believe that I have the ear of the Lord when I do so.  I do not have a problem believing that there is a God and that He sent His only begotten Son to die on the cross for the sins of my brothers and sisters...and all of mine as well.  This is perhaps one of the hardest things for me to realize and confess because despite my belief, I continue to sin; sins of which even my loving family remain unaware (sorry family, but know that I am praying about them and know that I am convicted each day to try and rid myself of my blackness).  I know that I am born under His blood and that should I ask for forgiveness that I will be forgiven for my God is truly just and merciful.  Often tearful and full of pain I cry out and confess my sins.  I wake up and feel rejuvenated, I feel convicted...until I find myself with an opportunity to sin or choose the Right what.  More often than not, I continue to KNOWINGLY sin and take His Grace for granted.  I live in constant recognition that I am sinner who has chosen sin and that I am sinner who will continue to sin.  I will, however, continue to ask for forgiveness.  What is most difficult for me though is to live under the weight of my decisions.  I often feel like I am living a double life, a life outwardly calm and peaceful while inwardly a maelstrom of malfeasance brims up and fights to win my heart.  I know this maelstrom as the Enemy and I struggle to resist him everyday.



I am not exactly sure where I want to go with this blog.  I think I will most likely end up sharing my daily walk and will hope to update frequently.  It is my sincere hope that should you know scriptures that are relevant to what you are reading in this blog that you post them so everyone can have some biblical reference.  I am ashamed to say that despite my belief I have yet to read the Bible through and through.  During my time with this blog, I will also do my best to begin my deeper study and hope to post verses I find interesting or things that seem particularly relevant.  Also, feel free to comment on what you feel like...I understand that everyone may not agree with my beliefs or my presentation of them but I do ask that everyone try to be respectful and know that I am above all writing this to share with others in hopes that they will begin to understand that they are not alone in their own struggles.